May The “I Love You” Win Over The “no”, “don’t Shout”, “don’t Do That” – Being Parents
Of course, we all know that in the daily life of our children, limits are not only advisable, but they are necessary. However, prohibitions and warnings do not have to be constant and perpetual refrains. The child would eventually get used to negative things only, to barriers in a world in which he wishes to see possibilities and open spaces.
We know that it is not easy to achieve this balance. Raising your child is a daily task that is not without many challenges. In these challenges, we are forced to put in place a number of strategies based on our own values. And above all, on the requests that our children send us. Because often each of our children will ask for different directions, help and keys, based on their personality and behavior.
However, even with the strategies we use with each child to resolve their anger, fears, or needs, there is one aspect that can never be overlooked. This is affection and the value of positive reinforcement. In fact, there is something that should not be underestimated: the intrinsic value of the word “NO”. Because… Have you ever wondered what impact the phrase we hear most often during the day can have on our brain, if it is the word “NO”?
In this article, we want to discuss this topic with you.
Our brains don’t understand the word “no”
It is something curious, which invites reflection. Our brain thinks by projecting images. And when we or our children hear the word “no,” what we feel most of all is negative emotion. It is not easy to deal with the concept of negation. And especially if we take into account that the mind is stubborn, rebellious and incisive. Sometimes we just have to be told “don’t think of red apples” to think about it.
So, when we speak while trying to educate, we should not take the negatives lightly. Like ‘no’ over and over or ‘don’t touch, don’t do that, don’t open that, don’t eat that, don’t go there’. Because what you get with that are two things:
- Increase the feeling of frustration and negativity.
- In the long term, and if the word “no” is used too much, it can lose all its value.
Explain to me why I can’t do this or that
It’s that easy. Instead of staying in the “don’t touch or go”, it is best to have a simple explanation. In this explanation, we will reduce the negative charge and the confrontation. “If you touch that, you can hurt yourself because it cuts, it burns and it’s dangerous”. “Mom doesn’t want you to go out on the balcony because you can fall. Stay here with me, so we’re together. ”
- As we can see, if we sometimes resort to a simple and affectionate argument, we will avoid using the word “no” many times. This word which by itself generates many negative emotions in our brain, no matter how old we are.
So, when setting the limits, warnings and prohibitions that are always necessary, it is necessary to say why. It takes a little of our time, a lot of patience and a great deal of tenderness. But the results are worth it.
Positive discipline, uplifting with affection and with “I love you”
Positive discipline is nothing new. It was the psychiatrist Alfred Adler (Vienna, 1870-1937) who developed the theory of social development. And in this, the need for the child to live in a close and positive way his relations with his closest environment, and society itself
One way to be successful in these relationships is through an education that is always respectful and intuitive. Always egalitarian and democratic. Without falling into these power struggles or punishment, the obligation, the cries or the feeling of constant fear in front of an authority figure has a serious impact on the brain of the child.
In the following, we explain to you what are the main keys to positive discipline. This discipline in which “I love you” abound. As well as the “I understand you and I support you” against the “don’t do that, don’t say that, don’t touch, don’t move”.
How to practice positive discipline
We must put into practice an education that motivates. An education in which we can set firm standards, but which encourage. As for these limits which must be respected at all times. They must be justified so that they are understood, and the child identifies with them. He will then take them quite naturally, without reacting negatively to them.
- We must ensure that children always feel valued, understood and loved.
- Mistakes should not be punished by scolding or criticizing. Instead, they should be explained, so the child knows how to solve them. And how to improve and overcome mistakes, because we “trust them”.
- Let us teach them additional things for life : knowing how to respect, knowing how to solve problems, in order to be responsible, autonomous, collaborative …
- We must also succeed in making the little ones aware of their capacities, in order to stimulate them. To feel useful, strong, and able to achieve their own goals.
To conclude, educating your child with “I love you” does not mean having recourse to ease, nor to permissiveness. It is knowing how to develop in our children aptitudes, capacities of surpassing oneself. And positive emotions and the value of having positive relationships with everything around them.
