I Can Secretly Cry, But For My Child I Will Have The Most Beautiful Smile – Being Parents

Crying in secret is not bad. Indeed, during pregnancy, the postpartum period and during the first 3 years of life of our children, it is something normal in many cases. Usually, this is not a clinical problem. Crying from time to time to emerge again without tension is liberating, even healing.

On the other hand,  educating is a whole test of endurance for which no one has prepared us. Throughout our lives, we have endorsed many personal and professional skills. Nevertheless, with the arrival of the first baby, we suddenly experience certain  fears  that we had not thought of before.

With a child, every day is a challenge. We have to get used to the idea that books do not explain everything,  that our mothers, our friends or our sisters will be able to help us with their experiences. But each child is unique and each family, each person, lives an exceptional reality.

To education, we certainly add the economic aspect, work, home, maintaining happiness within the couple … Without forgetting our  self-esteem,  our personal development. It’s like living in a puzzle where all the pieces have to fit together perfectly, where everything has to be foolproof.

This is a great source of stress and anxiety.

The reasons why we secretly cry

Many will tell you: “it’s because of the hormones!”. “This need to cry in secret and these sudden depressions are nothing more than the effect of the hormonal changes so common to all mothers.”

It is quite possible that there are times when they are the source of this crying. However,  women are not “hormones on the legs”. They do not determine everything we are and what we feel. Indeed, even fathers and women who have not given birth but who are mothers sometimes feel this emotional chaos.

Now let’s see some reasons why we can feel this.

Accumulated fatigue

Tears are useful for getting our attention, freeing us from emotions, and allowing us to think clearly afterwards.

• Sometimes not getting enough sleep, keeping an eye on everything our child is doing or not doing puts us in a very tiring state of alertness.
• When we find ourselves in this kind of situation, it is necessary to delegate functions for a few hours in order to be able to rest.

You won’t be a  bad mother  if you take a nap, take a relaxing bath while your spouse or family member is looking after your child.

Not knowing why our baby is crying

Believe it or not, a baby’s crying alert us and instantly sharpens our maternal instincts. It can also drag us into very deep emotional chaos  when we don’t know why he is crying and what he needs.

• These questions are very common among new mothers. In turn, this can be a source of  stress  which ends, at some point, in other “tears”, those of mothers.

• Do not hesitate to consult your pediatrician if you have the slightest doubt. Babies cry for very basic reasons: hunger, fear, the need for comfort and closeness, because they need to be changed …

Being bad about yourself physically

Motherhood changes our body. We have gained weight and it is not easy to recover the size from before. Water retention, swollen belly, our chest, stretch marks, varicose veins, our blossoming cheeks… We can’t help but feel unattractive in front of the mirror.

We tell ourselves that it’s normal, that everything is fine, that we are mothers and that it is the best thing that has happened to us. However, there are times when discouragement comes with force, because we barely have time to prepare a good  diet,  to go out to play sports …

It’s a lot to deal with and we don’t have time for anything

You have a baby, thinking about going back to work or already there, trying to keep the house tidy, there is a multitude of things to do and concerns to resolve.

• You barely have time for anything! In these moments when you reach the limit, only one thing relieves you: to cry in secret, only a few minutes, a brief moment just to calm down.

If that doesn’t help, try changing the pace and refocusing. Enjoy the present more with your child, practice yoga, swimming, mindfulness …

Despite everything, I will always have a smile for my children

As we said at the beginning, secretly crying is by no means synonymous with weakness. Strong is the one who allows himself these moments of complicity with his soul to release tensions, put ideas back in place and see things differently.

• Strong are the parents who put aside their fears, worries and tensions in order to bring the best of themselves to their children. Soothing stress with tears is healthy  because those who allow themselves to cry understand that feelings and emotions need to come through.

• It helps us to be much more skillful with our children, more empathetic, closer and wiser.

So don’t hesitate, if you need it, cry. The sun will shine brighter afterwards.