How To Deal With Anger? – Being Parents

Anger is the emotion that arises when we find ourselves in situations that cause us frustration or that are unfair. It is a basic emotion. It is therefore normal to feel irritable from time to time, especially when you are a mother or father. Knowing how to manage anger is fundamental for the education of children and, ultimately, for our general well-being.

According to María José Bosch, the more we think about the causes that triggered our anger, the more reasons and justifications we have to get angry. Therefore, knowing how to understand and channel anger is a necessary learning to aspire to a better quality of life. But how do we identify emotions? What does it consist of?

Anger: a basic emotion

Emotions have several definitions: involuntary impulses, reactions to environmental stimuli or even cognitive and neurochemical processes. These cause organic changes such as sweating or agitated breathing.

However, a perfectly adequate definition of emotion is that of psychologist Daniel Goleman. For him, an emotion refers to a feeling and its characteristic thoughts, to the psychological or biological conditions that characterize it, as well as to a series of inclinations to act.

Emotions are messages from the body that perform an adaptive function. Anger belongs to the group of basic emotions along with joy, sadness, aversion, fear and surprise, so it is necessary to present a basic function for survival.

Unleashed by a subjective experience such as thoughts or feelings, the emotion of anger causes physiological and neurochemical activation, which leads to a certain reaction. However, a series of conditioning factors clearly diverge, such as individual personality and socio-cultural background.

Identifying Emotions: The Key to Anger Management

Identifying emotions is the key to our well-being and is fundamental in social interactions. If we recognize in time that a situation generates anger, it will not surprise us and we will be available to redirect and manage emotions more effectively.

People experience emotions in very different ways. Indeed, it depends on each person, the situation we find ourselves in and our own past experiences.

So, in order to identify when a situation may cause us anger, we first need to know and analyze ourselves, and find out what bothers or frustrates us the most. That way, when a situation that we have identified as “high risk” arises, we will be ready.

Some signs that can alert us that we may explode at any time are found in the physiological signals our body sends to us. If you are able to recognize these signs, you can also take steps to manage your anger:

• Accelerated breathing
• Nausea and upset stomach in general.
• Muscle stiffness, especially in the shoulders.
• Sweat
• Jaws welded or clenched fists

Another of the most visible and detectable signs that we find in our thinking. The inundation of negative ideas and thoughts will only fuel and aggravate our anger and rage.

4 ideas for dealing with anger

• First of all, accept the emotion. Basic emotions have a purpose. In the case of anger, it manifests itself when we consider something to be unfair. Repressing or inhibiting this emotion could therefore affect our self-esteem.

• Identifying the emotion is the necessary step to be able to control it. Knowing and saying that we are angry, recognizing that something is bothering us, displeasing us or making us feel bad, helps us identify emotions and take back control of our decisions.

• Against anger, calm is the best weapon. Impatience makes our anger increase and helps us justify it. Therefore, although it is obvious, calm is the best way to stop the wave of anger. Run or walk, take a deep breath, do some relaxing activity, or just go somewhere quiet.

• Think about what happened. This is really important, because thinking about what happened helps us learn from the experience and deal with anger in the future. Questions such as “Why was I so upset?”, “How can I solve it?” Or “Can I do something about it or do I have to let it go?” Help you analyze the situation and understand yourself better.

According to Bosch, anger, like sadness, is a self-sustaining emotion. Therefore, the more you think about the reasons that make you angry, the angrier you will be. Turning the problem around will only turn your outburst of anger into pure rage. It just won’t help us find more and more powerful reasons to be angry.

Anger is an emotion that activates our attacking defensive behavior and generates negative feedback in order to cause damage or destroy. It is true that inhibiting it is a fundamental emotion is counterproductive, but if we cannot control it it can end up being destructive.