How To Talk About Divorce With Your Children – Being Parents

The society we live in forces us to believe that when we find the love of our life, the union cannot be interrupted. It is for this reason, among others, that getting a divorce is not an easy decision to make. It is even more difficult if the couple have children. So, how do you talk about divorce with children?

Explaining to children the reasons why Mom and Dad will no longer live under the same roof and take different paths is a painful experience. That being said, this situation must be faced with as much integrity as possible.

It is very important to explain to children that they are an indestructible bond, and that their parents will always love them.

It is true that when a couple is going through such a difficult time, they face both the pain of loss and the feeling of failure. If these emotions are externalized, children will perceive them and this may affect them. This situation can generate rebellion, sadness and guilt.

Impact on children’s behavior

Year after year, more and more children suffer from the repercussions of divorce. The reactions derived from this momentous event in their lives can be manifested according to their age, maturity and personality.

Talking about divorce with children is not easy, it is the beginning of the end of the only life they know, and it will affect them a lot in the way they behave.

The emotions that invade the little ones range from shock to guilt, through sadness, anger and confusion. They may even worry about their future, seeing what they thought was the fundamental pillar of their lives disappear.

This can lead to negative reactions in different scenarios, for example: aggressive attitudes, reduced performance in school or sports, isolation or change of friends. All these signs show that the child is not coping well with the situation.

However, contrary to what one might think, this process also may not be traumatic. Indeed, there are many ways to talk about divorce with our children.

Through these conversations, we can have a positive impact on them. We can also make them see that a change in the dynamics of their lives is perfectly acceptable. This event will make them more tolerant and flexible in the face of adversity.

How to help children during the divorce process?

Whether or not this suddenly affects children is very much up to the parents. Often times we have to leave personal needs on one side, even if it is difficult, to ensure that the little ones can go through this process with as little pain and sadness as possible.

When it comes to divorce with children, both parents have to come to an agreement, however momentary. It is essential to put arguments on hold. Also, show children that they are the most important in your lives and that the love you have for them will not change.

Both parents must be present when announcing the news of their separation to the children. They will have to explain to them that, even if they do not love each other as before and live apart, they will still be great friends.

On the other hand, it is fundamental to give all the necessary information to the children. This information should be communicated in a way that they understand and according to their age.

Thus, they will feel safe and prepared for the changes that await them. Knowing that they can count on their parents for whatever they need will help reduce anxiety, restlessness and worry.

Recommendations for talking to children about divorce

The fact that this news is more or less painful goes hand in hand with the way adults deal with it. The decision has been made and communicated, but the process has only just begun, so it will have to be managed with finesse. To talk to children about divorce, we give you the following recommendations:

• Avoid talking in front of children about differences that make the separation irremediable.

• Address legal issues of divorce outside of the children’s environment. Keep children out of all that is involved.

• Maintain as much balance as possible with both parents’ routines regarding children’s activities. In this way, the latter will be able to see that they continue their lives as before, regardless of the separation.

• Leave aside negative comments about the ex-spouse when the children are present. If you need to express your emotions and your resentments, it should be done outside the family circle.

Do not let these situations, which should be handled exclusively by adults, have a negative influence on the lives of your children. It was the parents and they alone who made the decision to separate.

For children, their families will remain the same despite their new reality. Try to avoid overly drastic changes in the dynamics of the routine. So your children will not be too affected in their mood and emotions.