Improving Emotional Intelligence In Adolescents – Parenthood

The importance of emotional intelligence in adolescents has been known for years. In 1920, some authors already mentioned the existence of a broader concept of intelligence than the one we know today.

They were referring to a type of intelligence that gave the ability to understand personal and foreign feelings and know how to act on them.

It was in 1995, with the publication of Daniel Goleman’s famous work, Emotional Intelligence , that this term began to become popular and to integrate into the collective imagination.

The emotional brain and the rational brain

Emotional intelligence can be best understood by studying the biological makeup of the human brain. The emotional brain developed millions of years ago. It is from this that the neocortex, or rational brain, then developed.

This evolutionary timeline explains several things. First, we are guided by our emotional impulses.

Then we have the ability to achieve a deeper and more precise treatment of situations. This allows us to develop and issue more refined and reasoned responses. It is this skill that forms the central core of emotional intelligence.

Emotional “explosion” is socially accepted in toddlers and children, but greater control over our responses is demanded as we grow older. In fact, managing our internal state is a skill that can be learned and worked on.

Emotional intelligence during adolescence

Adolescence is a critical stage in our life that we associate with many challenges for our personal development. It is during this period that we begin to claim and build our independence. Our referents cease to be our parents, it is our group of peers who become so.

Added to this is the emotional whirlwind that we experience individually . This unfamiliar wave of emotions that we often have trouble dealing with can make it difficult for us to pass through this period of life.

How to develop emotional intelligence in adolescents?

If we want to help our teens develop this skill, we need to focus on 4 key points:

Self-knowledge: understanding what you feel

The starting point for good emotional management is knowing how to identify the emotions we experience and being able to name them. Having a rich and varied emotional vocabulary will allow us to better understand the nuances of the concrete feeling that affects us.

To carry out this emotional intelligence task with adolescents, we can count on resources to order and put words into their inner world.

Empathy: understanding what the other is feeling

An essential aspect to develop is the ability to put oneself in the other’s shoes and to understand the feelings and motivations that he feels. During this step, it is important to remember Heider’s attribution theory.

According to this theory, when we judge the actions of others, we think that they are caused by their personality and do not take into account the context.

So we are able to say “ I yelled at you because I was pissed off ” but when it comes to the other “ He yelled at me because he’s a bad person ”.

It is therefore important to encourage adolescents to analyze the context in depth. They must be able to know what motivates the actions of others.

Self-control: deciding how to act in the face of your own emotions

When doing this work, it is important to emphasize the word “decide”. It is not about repressing the emotion, but about being able to act instead of reacting. In fact, there are no good or bad emotions, there are only useful and unnecessary emotions depending on their consequences.

It is therefore important to explain to adolescents that they must be able to overcome their primary impulses and to weigh the consequences of their actions before taking action.

In this way, we teach them to make use of their emotional state. They will use it as a guide to action in order to be responsible for their decisions.

Social skills: deciding how to act in the face of other people’s emotions

In order to help develop good emotional intelligence in our adolescents, it is essential to familiarize them with positive communication.

This type of communication will allow them to express themselves freely and respectfully and to defend their rights without overriding those of others. Positive communication is the key to learning to manage conflict and find peaceful and mutually beneficial solutions.